Blinded I am and so are you by shedding tears,
Confusion that separates us two we hold dear.
Just look into my eyes, kiss our fears goodbye.
I’m reaching for your shadow drowning in the kiss of dawn,
Touching the pain that you left me with
At the kiss of dawn.
I’m tired of the games I’m playing with you when you’re not here.
I’m reaching for your shadow drowning in the kiss of dawn…
Continue reading page 2
blackdraughtlegacy.wordpress.com 
I think you’re off to a good start. You should continue. I’m very interested to see what happens next.
Thank you. I have a little plot in mind for the next chapters, but usually I do not plan the story, I just see how it unfolds in the game and create it based on pictures afterwards. But I already have the pictures for the next ones, and the ideas 🙂
Let me start off by saying that you are an AMAZING writer!! I love people who use a lot of imagery, as you do, in their writing as it makes a piece really come to life. I started reading your legacy today and by the time I reached the last few chapters I just realized an hour had gone by or maybe two ;-). I was really into writing in college (I’m in vet school though so I had to cut back) so I always love finding people on the internet who write well. It’s even more awesome that not only are you a good writer, but the Sims 3 is incorporated so it’s like heaven for me lol.
Sorry my message is so long, but I wanted to tell you how great this story is because a lot of you bloggers work hard on your work and deserve to be commended, well done :-).
I am really liking this so far! You should definitely continue, as I would love to know what happens next! Thanks for the comment on my blog leading me here. You know how my mind works when it comes to ladies hanging out in graveyards (as you have read my legacy) so I already have ideas about who (or what) Marcello’s friends are. 😛 Of course, I could be wrong! And Marcello’s wife… the mystery of it all! Very intriguing!
Long story short: more please! 🙂
Oh, you’ll see. They are not vampires though… not yet anyway, who knows? :)) But… they are worth watching 😛
Yes, they are! I can’t wait for the next update! 🙂
It was nice, but you’ve got a lot of grammar mistakes. Also, most people prefer that the pictures come BEFORE the descriptions or events, but it really doesn’t matter. These are a few of the errors I picked up on:
(constructive criticism time!)
-It was REALLY long and wordy. You might want to split chapters up into shorter pieces with more pictures.
-Capitalize your titles.
-Gia doesn’t need to address her diary so often. We know who she’s talking to.
-A lot of sentences are run-ons. Drop a period in when it starts to get long. Like, when explaining something, you don’t write: “My dad works in the military, which is forty minutes away, and really hard to get to, so I don’t think I’d make it to school on time without the bus.”
You write: “My dad works in the military, forty minutes away. It’s really hard to get to, so I have to take the bus to be on time.”
-Quotation marks go outside the punctuation. It was probably just an accident, but sometimes you wrote: “’Yes, I do’, I answered.” The apostrophe/quotes go on the other side of the comma.
-When Gia cusses, you should put the first letter and the ing. Like if she’s about to say “shitty” you’d put “sh***y” or if you were going to say “fucking” it’d be “f***ing”.
Fix these things and you’ve got a nice start to your story.
Thank you for your advices!
The grammar mistakes are here because english is not my native language. I live in Europe, Romania. Then, about the pictures, I’ve seen that people use them before the description, but I’ve always wanted to find a legacy where the description’s first, so I could then analyze the pics while knowing what they’re about, and I thought, maybe there are people out there who would want that too.
Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment on my blog! 🙂
No problem, and now I understand where the grammar came from. Hope you’re having a good time in Romania. O_O Never been there, but heard there were a lot of vampires! XD
Hee, well, we have our histories here, Romania is indeed the vampire’s country,personally I have not seen one yet, but there’s still time ^_^
LOL vampires would be epic! If only I bought Sims 3 Late Night, then I would be able to have some in-game!
I actually think in this situation it works. The reason being is because you use plenty of imagery in your writing so I didn’t feel as antsy to see all the pics that most people post. In most cases I’m like “Please, just post the pics already”, but in your case I wasn’t because you use SOOOO much imagery in your writing. As far as addressing the diary, I didn’t find it too excessive, at least not from my point of view. I already told you in my comment above that you are an amazing writer and the fact that English is NOT your first language makes it even more amazing. English is my second language (Spanish was my first) so I know how hard it is to get every little detail right.
I mean most people who have English as their FIRST language take English from elementary through college because it is actually one of the more complex languages grammar wise. So imagine how hard it is for someone who learned it as a second language. YOu are amazing, keep up the great work!! 🙂
Meant to say “Right” not “write” lol…I was typing rather fast ;-).
I posted what I think about this below, but I just thought I would add that before you criticize you have to be careful because you don’t know the situation.
First, as far as pictures, in most cases I would say you were write, but in this case I think it works well because the writer uses a lot of imagery. I mean how many pictures do you see in most novels you read? Pictures are great, but they aren’t necessary and when a writer uses plenty of imagery, as the above writer did, it really isn’t needed as much.
Most people who are born in North America and learned English as a FIRST language take English as a study from grade school through college. So imagine someone who just picked it up as a second language and didn’t have 15 years or more in the school system to learn all the grammar of another language. English is actually one of the most complex languages GRAMMATICALLY. I think this person writes amazing and I think for it being their second language, they did an AMAZING job.
I know how hard it is because English was MY second language and luckily I learned it while young, but it was difficult nonetheless to learn grammar for two languages at once. Luckily through college I got heavily into writing (I’m in vet school so my writing has taken a back seat) and I got a refresher of everything I learned in grade school, high school, etc…
I guess I am just saying that instead of critiquing EVERY little thing just sit back, relax, and enjoy the material. 😉
I don’t even know where to begin.
I guess, first of all, I’d say thank you for your wonderful comments. Secondly, I really have to say they brightened my day! I am so happy that you found my legacy worth reading and that you like it so much.
I was now writing a little of my fourth chapter, but it was not going so well. The thing is I kinda lost the enthusiasm a little after I saw I have all these grammar mistakes and stuff, and I am struggling with this chapter for a few days now and it’s not even 20% ready. It didn’t take more than a few hours with the others. But I was kinda let down.
Now I’m on the roll again! A sincere thanks for this!
I do take a lot of time updating anyway… But I hope you’ll bear with me.
Have a wonderful day! ^_^ Hugs.
Aww, yea I just think you are such a good writer and I am excited to see the next chapter :-).
To: MckinneyMini
I wasn’t trying to critique everything that I saw out of the ordinary. I can understand that people don’t always speak English and I didn’t know that Ermannith’s first language wasn’t.
If I didn’t apologize for that then, I am now. Also, when I said that there were grammar problems, this was also my way of finding out if there WAS some sort of situation that could be explained. If not, I would try to help and tell them what they’ve done right as well. There are good parts to the story, I was only trying to say it’s not perfect and that was what I noticed.
It is a good start. A few more pictures would be good and I would advice spitting the long chapters into smaller ones.
You do not have to have a picture for every part of the story either, just remember is there is a part of the story that needs to be explained and you don’t have a picture don’t worry.
Some of my chapters in my story are longer than others so with lots of pictures and some with not so many snapshots.
It was very good so keep going 🙂
Thank you so much!
I really liked this chapter! Great start! XD
I think you should make the chapters shorter, just because some people may lose interest in it.
Thanks! 😀
You’re welcome 😀
I thought that this was a great 1st chapter. Most legacies are all happy go lucky and the same plot of land and all that but I really like the basement and the island! And the back story in the introduction has me on the edge of my seat.
I cant wait to read the rest!
I’m so glad you like it! After I’m done catching up with a legacy I’m currently reading I’ll start reading yours. And if you like mine enough to put a link on your blog I’ll be honoured! Of course I’ll link yours here >:D<
Of course I will add you! I started mine back in October of 2011 but I took the last couple of months to rest and relax and now I am putting out chapters again! I would love to have a new reader because I think my break may have hurt my following!
I’ll definitely be your reader and follower! I could only look over a few scenes as I am currently finishing reading another legacy as I said, but I do like it and I’ll add it here.
I like this, can’t wait for more 😀
Thank you so much! 🙂
oh wow! Gia is so beautiful! hera is adorable. I love how its set up like a diary. seems much more personal.
I plan to follow this idea all along the legacy. Diary being passed on 🙂
that will be awesome!